If you know me, you should know the
best things in life are free
[A]bout
Who Am I? Im C l a i r s e n t i e n t .
人间的青草地 需要浇水 内心的花园 就不会枯萎
把最甜最好的滋味 播到东南西北
-watch me closely --
Wednesday, 17 March 2010 3/17/2010 12:44:00 am
doesnt seem effective
been thinking what's the best way to increase my productivity
get another full time job? make ML my partime then studies wld be totally neglected.
full time into studies, ML to PT?
doesnt work i wld be avoiding my responsbilities
came into this line for growth for better wealth for better family time
wadever it ish,im not doing wad i shld be what i shld have improved i feel i have improved just my small talks abilityy i feel my pdt knowledge is really lacking im losing my patience im hungry im starved i need to perform this yr with the utmost effort
why one reason i have enuff training for the past one yr i have enuff time to improve i have no more excuses
more and more juniors of mine are coming in being one of the elders i cannot disappoint my mentor,ebi where shld i begin time management discipline
why am i lacking in it when i have done it before in my secondary times
i sux i needa wake myself up i needa drenched myself in the rain walk in the cold night to wake up my idea i need motivation i need a shoulder when i fall i need suppport i need a crutch to bring me though i need to win thru bad times
im very hungry
if i come out with a schedule i must commit to it if not everything is going to be back to square one will i allow it?
wadever i know sth needs to be done watch me stomp me pushed me shout at me waKE ME!!!!!!
-truthful speaks best --
Sunday, 24 January 2010 1/24/2010 11:28:00 pm
i blame myself see thru this expecting someone to read ur mind is impossible speak and u will be answered
let dat person knows!
roll the ball back to him if he hecks u heck where shld the trouble begins?
life still goes on move on dun invite more problems
life ish too short for more guessing much less procrastination.
get it over and done with get it done and be generous to urself
-i need... --
Sunday, 17 January 2010 1/17/2010 04:18:00 pm
i have gotten my retribution how i have treated the 'ignored' i shall experience dbl-ly the pain.
complication is human problems are also humans how i wish i havethe power to read ur thots once i needed to understand u better i can switch on easily if information can be answered in a split second nv will there be waiting nv will there be misunderstanding
however dat meant
there will be no guessing no more excitment no more communication
is this for the better or worse?
i dont know. im not myself now i need a smile from u..
我真的好想你..
-watch me --
Sunday, 3 January 2010 1/03/2010 11:36:00 pm
damn, i hate wad im feeling now ups and down want and dunwan indecisivness nv like it. arghh i wan my independent feeling i have a resolution to be the mightiers and ever so confident female i need the knowledge i need to practice my skills i want to see my hardwork pays off i need to work towards it
emotions seems to be my obstacles if im void of my personal feelings if im focus if im a man
i shall think like one eliminate the 'if's
there i see myself holding the trophies i wan to see my head held high i need a plan i need action i need energies i need the universe to work with me towards my goal i know im going to see myself there watch me
-new yr cum confusion? --
Friday, 1 January 2010 1/01/2010 10:53:00 am
i really had my fun on new yr's eve gathering slept at 3plus am today. turnout was great with presence of fang, ivan, min, ying, ryhan,jing, ruibao, jian hui, hansong a small-y gathering can be so heartwarming&cozy.
it needless be a grand affair nor one that needs to be filled of crowd so simple yet so beautiful. exchanging christmas prezzie cake cutting catching up fireworks at marina slacking at macdonald all is blissful and well ----------------------------
My emotions:
hmm wad kind of feeling is this yesh, there's bitta liking but you try to avoid him initially u start observing his behaviour at the corner of ur eyes. u pre-ampt his action ur feeling tells u, he will appreciate ur care but in ur thots u only see him as a younger brother. am i deciphering it correctly?
-感慨! --
Wednesday, 30 December 2009 12/30/2009 12:45:00 am
knowing a person stepping out of my comfort zone is it the right thing to do?
asking for sth taking the first step being initiative is this what i want?
knowing the end result knowing no turn back still went ahead am i cruel to myself
bringing back my oldself snuggling in this warmth how long can it last?
never ending question ever flowing speculation u think i thot who confirm
ha life's a laughter life's a risk take it u may expect great return put ur money in the fixed D, u know where u end up in
wad's up and down u have to step out to experience
wad's down and up once u experienced, u learnt
life a nv ending sequeal featuring me&myself
-broken trust --
Saturday, 26 December 2009 12/26/2009 09:51:00 pm
today the rain has been heavy been slping for like dotta intervals lazy log
slp and eat. slp and eat very lifestyle o luxurious indeed
anyway was supposed to catch avatar with jasmine today yesh she gotten me real pissed
gone out wif her yesterday. our christmas ate at my fav soup spoon and shop ard the new illuma it was my first time there
really treasured the shopping time my shopping trip has always been in between slots of work. alone. there was no fun more of a satisfaction of shopping needs
jas has been my jc best bud and it's beena long time since i seen her too still as pretty as ever tall and skinny.
was supposed to meet her 1230 at bugis station and she turned up 40 mins later i was 5 mins away from reaching * Ping * pls guess wad's the reason
she was choosing her shoes to match...
i do not see much a deal initially. i do admit i do have such dilema when im going out too. but i was nv late
that's not all. today we had avartar planned. bec'os i may have an appt at 7pm. im not too sure i can make it too.
anyway cut the story short. i gave her my words that i will surely turn up till this morning i msg her to cfm the timing once again she called and tell me she has not done the online booking yesterday at that time i was one min away from stepping out of my hse all ready imgaine if i were alr in train.
yup by the time she checked. all tix were sold out.
im fuming mad. i gave her my words the night before yet she chose not to trust my words then y bother asking me to cfm the night before?? im so so speechless.
she left behind an msn msg just now very daring indeed. asking me if i still wish to watch with her tml or next wk i cant reply her. i dunno im to feel she's oblivious abt her fault or she feels nothing is wrong about it. she does falls into my definition of pampered-ness
What's disappointing ish she wasnt apologetic yesterday when she sees me neither was her first word 'sorry' when she calls me this morning
till she felt my anger.
sorry jasmine if you are my fren, u know my minefield has always been punctuality you can be late but let it be a valid reason no one owes anyone a living
& i hold the the principle to be respectful to each other's time. is this demanding? i thot that's the basic that's the very value taught since pri sch.
anyway it's over.
once written here, it shld be forgotten.
Taling abt trust am i not a trustworthy person? what can i do to improve it takes 2 hands to clap a fault by one, mus also be reflected by another i cant think of a soln now.
i thot of ying we are celebrating out 10 yrs frenship in 5 days time but i was quite affected by one incident that put this frenship to test.
that's the motor insurance she has asked from me to service her. guess wad i managed to offer 3 quotations that is lower than the one she paid im really so glad and happy the many ppl i serve, i can benefit my best fren.
Yet.
ok, i do understand the car is registered under her bro's name. but money is paid by her moreover it's her own car ying has all say to choose her agent.
alright, it's not foolstop yet, im not saying when she asked for the quotation, it's a must to take up with me. customer is always king they have the right to choose. but let me explain
put yourself in her shoes if someone that u have known for 10 years. also in the line of motor insurance and is readily to service u you are paying the same pr as u pay out there offered u 3 quotation that is lower than the premium $2.3k u are paying now and when accidents were to happen, u do not need to be afraid of slow claiming u know that wif a call, this fren cum agent will definitely do her part. now will u take up with her?
her ans is no. she chose a higher premium to pay and mention her brother took up wif his fren.
wad can i saY? how should i respond.
i dun wan this thot of mine to ran wild si i called thrice she missed it all. she did not bother to give me a call after to even try and clear up any misunderstanding
anyway.
i lost trust in this frenship. in this industry, when i first started off. my colleague always remind me how i will get to see the true side of my frens. i nv believe
im confident with how i treat all my buds with anyone i go out with i promise laughter.
but now my colleagues sure hit the jackpot in Ying's recent fb msg(reguading the coming 10yrs frenship meetup)to me it was even written so formally
ha. dat wasnt the 'format' we usually type in fb. im quite sensitive.
i mention this inceident to my boss. and he told me, i shldnt be feeling the dilema of facing this fren of mine 向反 she shld be the one taking over this dilema.
forget it. next outing is coming
its a combination of belated christmas cum my belated birthday cum the coming new yr so many events lump into all. not very glad abt it though. for me, i always believe birthday should always be exclusive. same goes for anyone in our grp
blame it on my birth date. it's not nice to rebut anyway. so forget it.
now the issue is shld i turn up if a fren is not worthy of a trust wad then is she in anyway considered a fren?
here's an old folktale about a giant who removes his own heart, locks it in a series of metal boxes, and buries the whole conglomeration. Thereafter, his enemies can stab or shoot him, but never fatally. Of course, he also loses the benefits of having a heart, such as happiness. The giant sits around like Mrs. Lincoln grimly trying to enjoy the play, until he's so miserable he digs up his heart and stabs it himself. This grisly parable reminds us that refusing to love is emotional suicide. Yet many of us fight like giants to guard ourselves from intimacy, boxing up our hearts in steel-hard false beliefs. "I'm unlovable" is one such lockbox. "Everyone wants to exploit me" is another. Then there's "I shouldn't feel that" and "I have to follow the rules," etc. Whatever your own heart-coffins may be, notice that they're ruining your happiness, not preserving it.